If you’re a fan of laugh-out-loud puns and arresting humor, you’re in the right place. In this article, we’ve pulled together 202 crime puns that are sure to have you in stitches. These witty jokes range from classic one-liners to wordplay puns that will have you putting on your detective hat.
So without further ado, let’s get started! Here are the best crime puns to add some humor to your day:
Classic Crime Puns
Here are some classic crime puns that are sure to make you laugh:
- Why did the burglar bring a flashlight to the robbery? Because he wanted to see what he was stealing!
- What do you call a fake noodle? An impasta! (Pasta is a common food stolen during robberies)
- Why did the detective break up with his girlfriend? She kept seeing other sleuths.
- Why did the police officer go to the grocery store? He wanted to catch the shoplifter red-handed!
- Why don’t thieves like puns? Because they take things literally!
These timeless jokes are perfect for anyone who loves a good laugh. From clever wordplay to silly one-liners, classic crime puns are a surefire way to break the ice and lighten the mood.
Detective Wordplay
If you love detective stories, you’ll be sure to crack up at these witty wordplay puns!
- Why did the detective wear a loud shirt? Because he wanted to be spotted!
- What do you call a detective who solves cases while drinking tea? Sherlock Holmes-TEA-n.
- Why don’t detectives like eating pancakes? Because they always get whisked away on a case.
- What did the detective say to his stomach? “I’ve got a gut feeling about this case.”
- What do you call a detective bee? A honeycomb P.I.
Law Enforcement Laughs
Laugh out loud with this lineup of police-inspired puns that will have you begging for more.
- Why don’t police officers like puns? Because they’re always on-duty.
- Did you hear about the police officer who was into meditation? He was really good at making arrests, he knew how to read people’s chakras.
- Why did the detective break up with his girlfriend? She kept leading him on.
- How do police officers stay cool during a heatwave? They do some undercover work.
- What’s a police officer’s favorite martial art? Kops-and-robbers!
We know these law enforcement puns will have you cracking up in no time.
Criminal Capers
Get ready to laugh out loud with these criminal puns that are sure to be the steal of the show.
- Why did the burglar break into a music store? To steal the lute.
- What do you call it when a thief takes a lie detector test? A con artist.
- Why did the criminal take a shower before robbing a bank? He wanted to make a clean getaway.
- Why did the criminal refuse to answer the phone? He didn’t want to be caught on tape.
- What do you call a group of robbers? A steal team.
- Why did the thief go to art school? To learn how to make the perfect masterpiece heist.
- What do you call a pickpocket with a stutter? A smooth criminal.
These thief puns are sure to have you rolling on the floor with laughter.
Courtroom Comedy
When it comes to legal proceedings, humor might not be the first thing that comes to mind. But these courtroom puns are sure to have you laughing out loud. Here are some puns to lighten up even the heaviest legal cases:
- Why don’t sharks attack lawyers? Professional courtesy.
- Did you hear about the lawyer who went skydiving for the first time? He missed the Earth.
- Why did the lawyer cross the road? To get to the bar association on the other side.
- How do you make a lawyer smile? Just say “billable hours.”
- Why do people hate talking to lawyers? They charge by the word.
These legal puns are perfect for law students, attorneys, and anyone with a good sense of humor. Take a break from the serious stuff and enjoy a few laughs!
Robbery Jokes
Get ready to laugh with these hilarious robbery puns that are sure to steal the show:
- Why did the burglar break into a music store? He wanted to steal the lute.
- Why did the thief break into a bakery? He wanted to cake off with the dough.
- What did the bank robber say when the police caught up to him? “I’m not a bad guy, I’m just bank-robbing.”
- Why did the thief take a shower before he robbed the bank? He wanted to make a clean getaway.
- What did the police officer say to the robbers as they stole a calendar? “You’re going to do time for that!”
These heist-themed puns are criminal-ly good and will surely make your day.
Criminal Masterminds
Are you ready to outsmart the law with some criminal genius puns? These puns will make you channel your inner evil mastermind and conquer the world with laughter. Check out our top picks:
- Why did the burglar break into a music store? He heard they had a-lute of valuable instruments!
- I’m not saying I’m a villain, but if I were, I’d be a mastermind at it.
- Why did the thief rob the bank with a calendar? He knew he’d get 12 months!
- If I were a criminal mastermind, I’d probably have to quit because of all the red tape.
- Why did the pickpocket go to school? He wanted to learn how to be a master thief.
- Did you hear about the criminal who stole a dictionary? He was hoping to find the definition of robbery.
- I’m not a criminal mastermind, but I do have some pretty sneaky puns up my sleeve.
- Why did the villain decide to become a poet? He wanted to steal the show with his words!
- What do you call a group of criminal geniuses? A braintrust.
True Crime Humor:
Are you a true crime buff who also loves a good laugh? Look no further than these hilarious true crime puns that will have you giggling in no time. Here are our top five picks:
- Why did the burglar wear a striped shirt? So he could commit the perfect crime – and then blend in with his fellow inmates.
- What do you call a true crime podcast about a bumbling thief? The Clumsy Crook Chronicles.
- Why did the serial killer always order takeout? Because he couldn’t stand the sight of carving knives.
- What did the detective say to the suspect who claimed he’d never seen a gun before? “That’s a likely story – but I’m not buying it.”
- What do you get when you cross a true crime podcaster with a comedian? A criminal jester!
So there you have it – five true crime puns that are sure to make you chuckle. Whether you’re listening to your favorite true crime podcast or just enjoying a quiet evening at home, these puns are the perfect way to add a little humor to your day.