Sick days can be a drag, but they don’t have to be! Laughter is the best medicine, after all. That’s why we’ve compiled 202 hilarious cold and flu jokes to help chase away the sniffles and bring a smile to your face. From puns to one-liners, we’ve got you covered.
Get ready to laugh your way back to good health with our collection of jokes that’ll have you in stitches. Just to give you a taste, here are a couple of classic puns:
- Why did the sick man get in the shower? Because he wanted to wash his thermometer!
- What’s another name for a cold? A runny conundrum!
Ready for more? Keep reading to discover them all!
Why Did the Cold Go to School?
Did you hear about the common cold that decided to pursue an education? Check out these funny jokes about the cold going to school:
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- Why did the cold go to school? It wanted to catch up on its cough-alculus!
2. What did the common cold say to the student? “I’m your new sinus teacher!”
3. How does a cold study for a test? With a nose-ternal flame!
4. What’s the common cold’s favorite subject? Snot a problem!
5. Why did the cold get a detention? Because it kept coughing and didn’t cover its mouth!
Hope these jokes about the common cold going to school brought a smile to your face. Stay tuned for more hilariously punny jokes!
What Do You Call a Sick Eagle?
Are you ready for some sick jokes? In this section, we explore the world of eagle jokes with an illness twist. Get ready to laugh with these funny puns!
- What do you call an eagle that’s feeling under the weather? Sick-torious!
- Why did the sick eagle need a doctor? It had a beakness.
- What do you give a sick eagle? An eagle-osis!
- How does a sick eagle get better? With beakers filled with warm bird soup!
- Why didn’t the sick eagle go for a walk? It was feeling talon-ted.
We hope these eagle jokes with a flu twist provided some much-needed laughter during a tough time. Stay tuned for more hilarious jokes!
How Do You Cure a Cold?
Feeling under the weather? Let’s take a humorous approach to fighting off those pesky cold symptoms. Here are some funny solutions and cold cure jokes to get you smiling and hopefully feeling a little better:
- Catchphrases: Come up with a catchy phrase to help you feel better. For example, “Sniffles be gone,” or “Sneeze into the breeze.”
- Hot Toddy: Whip up a hot toddy with honey, lemon, and your favorite whiskey, and sip it slowly. The warmth and humor will help you get through the cold.
- Chicken Soup: According to your mom and grandma, chicken soup is the ultimate cure for a cold. So, have a hearty bowl and enjoy.
- Comical Remedies: Some silly remedies can cure a cold, at least according to these jokes:
- Drink pickle juice
- Eat half a raw onion
- Wrap yourself in a comforter and binge-watch funny movies
- Put a potato under your armpit
- Eat a spoonful of mustard
- Self-Deprecating Humor: Sometimes, the best way to deal with a cold is to make fun of yourself. Use your nasally voice to joke around with friends and make some puns, like:
- “I’m feeling under the weather, or is that just me?”
- “This cold has me wrapped up like a winter blanket.”
- “I think I should call in snot well.”
So, stock up on tissues, laugh a lot, and follow these funny solutions to cure your cold in no time. Don’t forget to check out our other sections on cold and flu jokes for more laughs!
Knock, Knock! Who’s There? The Flu.
Get ready for some hilarious knock-knock jokes featuring the flu. Here are five pun-filled encounters that will leave you chuckling:
Knock, knock!
Who’s there?
The flu.
The flu who?
Flu the coop!
Knock, knock!
Who’s there?
The flu.
The flu who?
Flu over the cuckoo’s nest!
Knock, knock!
Who’s there?
The flu.
The flu who?
Flu and behold!
Knock, knock!
Who’s there?
The flu.
The flu who?
Flu like a bird!
Knock, knock!
Who’s there?
The flu.
The flu who?
Flu shot me down.
Enjoy these funny flu encounters while keeping your sense of humor strong. And remember, laughter is the best medicine!
Why Did the Germ Cross the Road?
Discover the reason why a germ decided to cross the road in search of new hosts in this section. We’ve compiled a list of germ jokes that are sure to tickle your funny bone, so prepare for some infectious laughter!
- Why did the germ cross the microscope? To get to the other slide.
- Why did the germ cross the playground? To get to the slide.
- Why did the bacteria cross the playground? To get to the other slide.
- Why did the germ cross the basketball court? To get to the other side of the court.
- Why did the germ cross the road? To infect the host on the other side.
- Why did the germ cross the ocean? To get to the other tide.
- Why did the germ cross the road halfway? To infect two birds with one stone.
- Why did one germ refuse to cross the road with the other one? It had no guts.
These playful puns combine germs and the act of road-crossing for a dose of germ-inal humor. Share these jokes with your friends or colleagues and spread a little contagious laughter today!
Can a Cold Dance?
As crazy as it may sound, a cold can dance! Don’t believe us? Check out these hilarious cold and dance jokes that will have you in stitches:
- Why did the cold join the dance troupe? To show off its sick moves!
- What do you call a cold that loves to dance? A boogie fever!
- How does a cold prepare for a dance competition? By doing the tissu – I mean tissue – paper dance!
- Why don’t colds get invited to dance parties? They always bring down the room temperature!
Get ready to boogie with your cold and enjoy the infectious humor of these sickly dance puns!
Why Did the Flu Break Up with Its Partner?
Relationships are tough, especially when you’re dealing with a flu. In this section, we’ve compiled a list of funny break-up lines that the flu might use to end a relationship.
- “I think we need to take a break. I just feel like I’m dragging you down, and I don’t want to be a burden.”
- “I’m sorry, but I need someone who can handle my highs and lows. You just can’t seem to handle my fever spikes.”
- “It’s not me, it’s you. You just can’t seem to keep up with my rapid mutations.”
- “I need someone who can take care of me when I’m sick, not someone who just spreads me around.”
- “I don’t think we’re very compatible. You can’t seem to handle my co-infections, and I need someone who can.”
These flu jokes might not be the cure for your relationship problems, but they’ll definitely give you a good laugh.
What Did the Sick Thermometer Say?
When it comes to sick humor, thermometer jokes can really take the temperature. Check out these temperature puns that had us laughing until our fever broke:
- Why did the thermometer break up with the graduated cylinder? They just couldn’t get on the same scale.
- What do you call a thermometer that can’t be trusted? A thermo-liar.
- Why did the sick thermometer feel lonely? They had no mercury.
- What do thermometers like to drink when they’re sick? Hot toddies.
- What did the infected thermometer say to its owner? “I’m feeling a little under the weather.”
Add these clever thermometer puns to your joke arsenal and you’ll be the life of the party, even if you’re feeling a little under the weather.
Can a Cold Tell a Good Joke?
While having a cold might not be the most enjoyable experience, it’s still worth wondering: can a cold tell a good joke? We’ve rounded up some pun-tastic one-liners for you to decide whether or not a cold has what it takes to be a top-notch comedian.
Here are some funny cold punchlines:
- Why did the cold go to the art museum? To see the snot paintings!
- What did one tonsil say to the other tonsil? Get dressed up, the doctor is taking us out tonight!
- Why don’t scientists trust atoms? Because they make up everything – just like colds!
- What do you get when you cross a snowman and a vampire? Frostbite!
- Why did the cold skip school? He was feeling too a-chew-l!
With these jokes in mind, it’s safe to say that a cold can definitely have a sense of humor. Even if you’re not feeling your best, a little bit of cold humor can go a long way in brightening up your day.
How Do You Make a Flu Laugh?
Sometimes all you need to feel better is a good laugh, even if you’re battling the flu. So, let’s take a look at some jokes that will hopefully make your flu-ridden day a little brighter.
Here are five puns that will have the flu laughing:
- Why did the flu get a ticket? It was caught speeding!
- What do you call a group of dancing viruses? The Funky Flu!
- Why did the flu join Instagram? It wanted to go viral!
- What do you get when you combine the flu and a snowman? Frostbite!
- Why did the flu enjoy the detective novel? It loved a good whodunit sickness!
Laughter is contagious, so who knows, maybe these jokes will even help cure your flu!
What’s a Virus’s Favorite Type of Music?
Have you ever wondered what kind of music viruses like to listen to? We’ve got some hilarious punchlines that might give you some insight into their musical preferences.
- Rocking Pneumonia and the Boogie Woogie Flu
- The Fever, The Whole Fever, and Nothing But the Fever
- Influenza’s Got You Under Its Skin
- Papa’s Got a Brand New Bag of Remedies for That Cold
- Bohemian Rhap-sneeze-dy
There you have it! These virus jokes are sure to tickle your funny bone and make you giggle. Who knew that viruses had such musical preferences?